The Milk Thief - I am watching you

I'm back after a stint in rehab with Lindsey Lohan. But let's not dwell on the situation. I have more important matters to discuss than the diamond necklace hanging around my neck.


Gone to the fridge on the 3rd floor lately? Reached in to grab your carton of low - fat milk (well Weight Watchers are on a Monday) only to find the last little drop dripping at the end? Felt like blowing a fuse but restrained yourself as you are in work after all and it’s not exactly the place to go off on one (yeah right I hear you chuckle). It is with great dismay that I introduce the Meteor Milk Thief who has crossed path with nearly all our milk cartons on the 3rd floor.


Meteor Milk Thief or MMT as I like to call him/her works in isolation of any other colleagues. They work at all hours but always make sure no one is in the kitchen around them. They give no thought to the person who has actually paid for the overpriced milk in the canteen. All they want is just a "tiny" drop for their tea or their cereal.

Take Catriona for example, a hard working bread winner for her family. Catriona purchases her milk on a Monday morning from Superquinn as there is a 10 cent saving in the difference between there and other establishments in the building. Because the MMT has played with Catriona's emotions so many times, she decided that she would put a little note on her milk especially to the culprit. The milk held a strong "buy your own milk” sign. It was to our great shock on Wednesday morning when Catriona returned to her desk in absolute shatters. For someone had again taken the milk BUT HAD RIPPED OFF THE SIGN. That in my books is what I call a "complete piss take" and should not be condoned.

I was right at the scene and asked Caitriona what her feelings were:

“Milk may only be 69 cent but 69 cent is 69 cent for MY cereal not the thief’s tea”

Also on scene was Deirdre Currid who also has been affected by the MMT. In agreeing with Caitriona she added:

“Hands off my milk, I have a green belt in kick boxing and if I find you.....”

As you can see this is adding stress to all the department and the girls on the third floor are now making a stance. The message I give you all from them today is

“ROB ONE MORE DROP AND YOUR OVER”.

One more push before my holiday!

Due to harrassment from my fellow colleagues about my lack lustre blog performance over the past month, I am back. Even Keelan accosted me at the salad bar about the whereabouts of my weekly blurb as he was needing a pick me up. You will be sorry Keelan.



So alot has happened in the world of the commercial department over the last few weeks. But lets start with the breaking news.

On or Off?

Already rumours are spreading like wildfire on a new budding relationship that has sprung up in the Dublin social scene. Spotted out shopping together in the Pavillons shopping centre in Swords were none other than Georgia Salpa and a rather unknown Z list celebrity that apparently sells mobile phones out of the back of his car. Georgia, known for dating the best of the best has really let herself down this time. Although there are already signs of distress in the relationship when the unknown suitor demanded she stop wearing such high heels because he was hidden behind her. We can only wait this one out folks.

Newbies

A large welcome to Sharon Dunne who has joined the comms team. Sharon is a major fan of reality tv and Home and Away. Yes, I was so excited to here someone on "my level" would now be sitting a couple of centimetres away from me. Sharon drives the hell out of her Golf every evening to get home to see her beloved Home and Away. She has even recently joined as a fan on Facebook. Don't be ashamed Sharon and now that I have got you into "nothing to declare" on Living TV, you will have lots to do in the evening come Autumn. Another welcome has to go to John , who has joined our team as well. John is now , I don't know , the gazillionth John in the department. I am yet to interigate John about his personal life, but don't worry I will get round to it.

Get well soon

A big get well soon has to go out to Catherine. What did we tell her. Those 9 inch Jimmy Choo's would eventually be her downfall (do you like what I did there?:)) A slippy floor and a high heel are a match made in hell. It's not much that keeps Catherine quiet, but this wonderfully attractive cast to her knee will surely keep her in her seat for a while.

Another woman nearly bites the dust

What a night at Dee Kelly's hen in Athlone last week. Dressed as a cross between Willy Wonka and Jamiroquai we made sure Dee donned as much tat as possible. I'm afraid what goes on tour stays on tour so I have to end the hen stories there. Did I mention she was arrested?

Other Bits and Bobs

- The Commercial night out in Dicey's brought out the competitor in Maureen O'Rourke. Never have I seen a woman so determined to guess the songs in a bar. Although Caitriona did nearly jump the table to let us know Madonna was playing "Like a Virgin". Thanks for that Caitriona and for showing off your chicken fillets (not what you are thinking, she likes to call her pale arm her chicken fillet - don't ask!) Also watch out for some up and coming Oscar hopefuls. Plenty of Diva action from Keelan, he would only take part for a six figure sum. Big thank you to Michelle Mc for organising it all and sorry for messing up the routine at the bar on two occasions by ordering wine off the 7up guy.

Now don't all panic, but I am off on holidays for two whole weeks. I won't be blogging from Barcelona nor will I get someone to manage the blog as I am quite a selfish person and detest when someone steals my thunder. Always best to know your development points. I will however have a mole in the camp taking notes so I can come back with a bang when I come home.

Enjoy the office without me!

M

Meteor Mouth without the metal

Today, I write to you as a new woman! You may not have known (which means you have not been listening to me for the last week) but I got my braces out yesterday. No more "braceface" either to my face or behind my back. No more beeping when I go through the airport. No more trying to conceal my teeth in a photograph knowing they will shine up illuminous in somebodies facebook page. Ah yes, I am now even more like my idol Cheryl Cole, I just have to spend more time working on the dimple oh and getting my boyfriend to cheat. Oisin did worry me this morning when he asked me to "show me your nashers"! I was not familair with this term and was heading over towards HR before he explained.

Well done to Dee Currid, John, Leontia and Keelan who beat JPS in the table quiz. Were there no rugby questions? Also a big congratulations to Leontia who is now sporting a fabulous diamond on her left hand and it ain't from the accessory rack in Dunnes I tell ya. Welcome back to Rebecca who was very ill over the last few weeks - Rebecca it was so quiet without you here, there was nobody threatening to throw me over the balcony :)

Who has been stealing Meadhbh's pot plants? Following Meadhbh on twitter the other night, I was astonished to hear that Meadhbh had lost her pots to some dodgy family up the road. Meadhbh, I would confront them - who cares what the neighbourhood watch crew say.

Many of the girls are off for their spray tans this evening, Dee K and Niamh - did you not know THURSDAY is spray tan night, you are going against the norm. Don't be confusing Rosanna etc.

And finally - Michelle Farrell is officially the number one celebrity stalker in the commercial department. Check this out - Michelle with the lovely Rihanna. Michelle was thinking of packing it all in to go touring with her, but in the end decided she would miss us all too much.

My blog today, is written, from one in rather a delicate state. As I sit here tucking into a frozen shepard's pie found at the back of the fridge, sell by date 23rd March, I wonder why on earth won't McDonalds deliver? Trackies, a hoody and fuzzy hair is not the attire for one in D4 so I do not dare venture outside. That's right I am working from home and if I get one more email sent to me saying "working from home" with those two little inverted comma's I will scream. Tina has sensed that I am absolutely dying and her revenge is to send me lots of work - I know what you are at Tina so you can just stop right now.

As I am sure everyone knows by now, a great night was had by all last night in the Burlo. Philip was even seen in the residence bar after 2 o'clock!! That was after he dislocated my arm and twisted Catriona's ankle on the dance floor. Catherine decided to take him on with a jive, but soon realised a boob tube dress and Philip's competitive dance moves just do not work. Well done to Nuala and Catriona who decided to go at the very last minute, they are now thinking of buying shares in Rimmel instant tanning wipes. My head is absolutely throbbing but it was worth it.

In other news around the office this week, Rose has already got her yoga routine worked out for after the birth of her baby. Apparently it is excellent for working the core. I tried yoga for a while, but I was the only person in the class that couldn't find their core - even the instructor gave up. So I just don't think I have one. We wish Rose well with that and expect updates on how its all going.

Car mania has hit the office. Maria has purchased a new ford focus and is looking for someone to "skanger it up". She is thinking blue lights under the car, a boom box in the boot etc. Anyone who does this on the side should contact her. Dee C is at this very moment out looking for her own ferrari. Watch out for her zooming into IMMA. Speaking of the car park, what is with all the pot holes ? It's an obstacle course to get round them at 8 in the morning. I will get onto Noel Dempsey about it.

Right, I am fading so I must go. Don't forget to tune into Meteor's pilot radio station on Monday morning where Shelly Lately will hit the airwaves. Tweets and requests welcome!

A very tired Shelly
XXX

Friday folks and the chatter about what each of us are doing for the weekend fills the building. The sporty are off surfing, hill walking, sailing etc and the lazy ones like myself will probably hit the pub and the television for ten hours.

Speaking of sporty types our very own Deirdre Currid climbed Croagh Patrick last weekend. I giggled to myself when I heard Mr.McGauran ask "did you go the whole way up and back down again?" No Philip, she was going to sit at the top of the mountain for the rest of her life - doh! In fact Dee was in strange form all week. Maybe it was something in the water. On Wednesday evening she gave myself, Dee K and Justin a whole 15 minutes on what advertising one could do in the male toilets, followed by a dance she thinks men do before they use the facilities. Think Crystal swing hip moves with a little bit of Puff Daddy added in. She seems to have gone back to normal now again but myself and Catriona are keeping a close watch.

Speaking of close watches, Mr.Sales himself - Gary tried to convince us that every meteor shop in Ireland has a picture of him and the sacred heart in it. Gary I don't know what crap they have been telling you, but when you walk in and they scuttle to the backroom saying " oh Christ" I don't really think they are referring to you as God. Don't worry, we will see if the budget can buy you your own picture, maybe a little something like this:

(kudos to Catriona for the photo)

Short blog this week folks as my manager has given me too much to do :( Will get this baby on my objectives so will have an excuse to stare into space thinking of who to slag next. Before I go let me announce last weeks winner - VICTORIA GROOM. Victoria guessed the correct number of Corona's consumed. Well done Vic's, you can collect your CD at my desk.

This weeks prize is a fabulous illuminous pink pencil. To be in with a chance of winning answer the following question, its a toughy:

How many pounds have I lost since being on my diet?

Be careful with the answers.

May God be with you for the weekend,

Michelle

A night on the tiles

Hello my darlings,

Friday, and the smell of stale beer surrounds the third floor - and that is just from Deirdre Currid. Deirdre has gone off the rails ever since she started hanging with Nuala - who informed me last night that she was a massive fan of The Cure in her schooldays and wore a constant mask of white makeup and purple lipstick. Niamh O'D agreed, except she preferred to sport army boots to the local disco instead of Nuala's 8 holed Dock Martins. The army boots had to be second hand, size 7 and really sweaty to make them authentic. Thank God their dress sense has improved in the noughties! Pity about Hot Stephen M though, Stephen arrived to work yesterday only to realise his shirt was bursting at the chest - lay off on the weights man, no one likes a Hulk Hogan :)

Yesterday, the office buzzed in anticipation of Larry's leaving do. I did find it rather strange that I had to lick Larry's face off the top of my cupcake. Somehow it just felt like a move that could land me in HR. But everyone went ahead and had a lick so I presumed it was ok to do as well.

And so we headed out for our two mains for 18 euro in Milano's (yes I will admit I thought you had to eat the two mains yourself, but then D Currid pointed out to me you have to share, I don't do sharing). Check us out below all diving into the wine and the mozarella cheese. You will note Rebekah had her eye on the wine at all times to make sure it was not removed from our section of the table. And well Kealan - he is trying to do an impression of a 12 year old.

Of course there is always one who messes up the bill - and this time it was a man of the same name - Bill Blake. How many times did we tell him to print out the voucher with the terms and conditions on it. Oh no, Bill just could not get it right. Bill, we will be debating on whether you are a suitable candidate to bring out for dinner next time. Or maybe you can just stick to a "take out" (secret joke implied here, go to Philip for explanation).

I would presume Larry had a great night given the fact that he got a kiss from Niamh O Driscoll. Oisin decided to go one better and embrace him in a bear hug. Nice to see Deirdre Currid was tweeting at 1 in the night to complain about the cost of a vodka in Krystle - 9.90 she screamed - you are not in Coppers now Dee. Philip and Barry just complained about the music - Barry said it was too loud, Philip couldn't hear it at all :( Ooh low dig from me there Philip but thats what you get for insulting my "go out" shoes - there is a big difference between DUNE and Dunnes Stores you know - and its not just the spelling. And just to reiterate - its Abrakababra not Abrakadabra that you have frequented for soakage on a Friday evening. And one LAST thing - I was not jealous of the skinny, perfect figured, model looking girl in the doorway, sometimes I stare when I am simply thinking!

Now for the bit of Friday you look forward to the most. The competition!!! To win a Madonna CD (oh its old school alright!) simply answer the following question:

How many Coronas did I drink last night?

Email me the answer and it could be you......

Right, I am as tired and fading as everyone else on the floor so must head home for a quick power nap, pull on my fake Louboutains and do it all again tonight!

Until Tuesday

XXX

A week of random incidents

Another Friday, another "upbeat" blog from yours truly.

This time next week, we will all be suffering from sensitive stomachs and bursting heads after Larry's party - thank god we got to Catriona before she bought her straw hat. The poor girl thought it was actually cowboy themed and was already ironing her denim hotpants. For a second we thought we would actually let her go like that - but that would be evil. Another blow for Catriona this week and the Meteor team in general was the loss of the Social media King and Queen title. Poor Catriona, Stephen and Victoria will have to find some other way of getting to Oxegen. I am sure Philip will come to the rescue by scratching Caroline's back in MCD and getting a few freebies - go on Philip you know you want to. Speaking of Philip, did anyone notice he was very dressed up yesterday in his "good" suit? That's right he was off to a job interview for the civil service. Woops just been informed I am wrong there he was actually presenting for an award (well "award" and "Philip" you can see why I found it hard to believe). I am astonished he kept it to twenty minutes seeing he can't even ask me to give him my accruals without him launching into some Irish Times story (yawn).

Has anyone ever heard of a Booty Call? Unfortunately JPS did not and an embarressed Dee Kelly had to give him a quick wikipedia on it all. Good team work Dee. And good team work to JPS also who has been twittering to the ENTIRE network that he is chatting up rugby players for myself and Dee C. Next step is to actually introduce us to them which I have to admit I am getting a little flutter of butterflies in my stomach thinking about it. Michelle Kearney, Michelle Darcy, Michelle O 'Driscoll - frig it he is getting married.

So its a weekend of relaxation for most of us, but not our Meadhbh, who is booked up for a photoshoot with Mr.Ireland of all people. Meadhbh we wish you all the best and don't worry the captions for your photo that the team make up will not be in anyway crude.

Due to an extra strawberry Daiquiri last night, I am running out of steam so must log off now. Looking forward to not being able to get away from anyone on twitter this weekend:)

Until Monday
Michelle